It's crazy isn't it?  I never said I would really do this whole xanga or blog thing, telling people about my emotions and stuff.  Because personally I don't like reading other people's stuff.  But sometimes u just gotta let shit go u know?  There have been a few things on my mind lately and just thought i'd let off some steam.  If you're reading this, then good job, hooked on phonics worked for you.

Where has the time gone?  I'm 21 years old.  I am a senior in college, and I will be graduating in May.  It's already November.  In 7 months, I will have graduated college.  I remember my freshmen year of highschool like it was yesterday.  I remember moving into my room in college.  Scared out of my wits, but lucky because I had my cousin as a roommate.  Huy, we've had our rough spots but we were always there for each other.  Intricate people in our lives have passed away but we always had each other's back.  I don't know what I am going to do with my life.  So much i THINK i want to do, but now I don't even know if I want to do it anymore.  Where is my direction?  Where is my inspiration?  What happened to all the things that I wish I was doing?

Life is crazy, it can be taken from you at any moment, and people say live like you were going to die tomorrow.  But how can you live when you are hindered by things?  Things such as family, such as friends, and even yourself.

What is love?  I somewhat know what it is, but I still haven't a clue.  Alot of people are yearning for it.  I tell you this, there is plenty of time in the world for love.  But isn't it more important to find out who you are first?

Why are you complaining all the time?  Do you have nothing better to do then to trouble with your problems.  Greetings should never begin with someone negative that happened to you, or you did to yourself, if you are 18 and older, then its time to realize that you have to grow up.  Stop fooling yourself.  People are not stupid.  Don't think that people will always be there for you.  Its time to buck up, and come to the realization that if you can't fend for yourself (with minimal help from others) then something is wrong.  I understand that it's important ot have relationships, friendships and such, but dammit, if you can't even handle shit in your own life, yet you complain about it all the time, then seriously what kind of person are you?

JUST STOP IT.  That's the quote of the semester.  Some people might think that this is exactly what I am doing, I am complaining right now, but actually I am not.  I am pointing out what I see.  I know it's ok to complain sometimes, but if you do it all the time then that's just not cool.  Just ranting, have fun with this bitches.

I take it that you damn readers would like me to write about more substantial shit huh?  Perhaps I should.  Yes yes yes, I know I make fun of other people for their xangas because seriously who wants to know everything about your life?  Certainly not me.  And those that read xangas, do you not have anything else to do?  haha.  Well I shall write about something worth reading then.

Lately, I have been trying to reevaluate my life, because so much has changed, with me, and with others.  I have come to the realization that in order to be happy in this world, sometimes you must let go of things you truly care about, because caring about something that will only hurt you in the end, is never worth it.  So much going on in one's life, you must surround yourself with things that will only give you positivity.

Yes, there are times where you need some debate, but debate is debate, something easily to get over.  Sometimes I wonder if my idealism of friendship is too high for others to comprehend.  Possibly, it is my fault for valuing friendship for more then what most people see it as.  As a good friend told me, "loyalty is the only thing that really matters in a friendship, and if you betray that loyalty, I will come and beat your ass."  That is well put, however, no ass beating will be given, surely I will be disappointed, however, I guess I ask for too much in a friendship. To me true friendship is something that is like love.  There are no boundries, nothing can stop you from wanting to, and being there for the person whom you call a friend. 

Doesn't it hurt when people you thought were true friends, say something to completely hurt you?  For example, they think you are a great person, but when it comes down to it, their beliefs are stronger then your friendship, and they refuse to be there for you.  Almost in such a way that your friendship is circumstantial.  Well, I'll be your friend, but I can't do this, because my belief is otherwise.  I know people are steadfast to their beliefs, and they believe what they believe for a reason, however, I think that whatever the circumstance is, if you love someone, truly care about them, value their friendship, and the dignity and worth of the person, then there is nothing to stop you from being there for them through thick and thin.  Not saying that just because of their beliefs they do not love you, but for me that's just not good enough.  I'm sorry, maybe I idea of friendship is skewed, but that's what I feel that strongly about friendship.

I know who my true friends are, those who would be willing to die for me, because they love me that much, and I would do the same for them.  That is friendship.  My friends, if there ever came a time where someone was going to kill one of us, and they said we had to pick one person, I would volunteer wholeheartedly in order to save you all.  I say this with confidence and true vigor.  I know who would do the same for me.  That is what true friendship is, believe it or not. 

I know people are going to get a little offended by this, and so on and so forth.  But you know what?  It doesn't matter.  I'm done with worrying about others, from this point on, my life is for me to live.  It is time I worry about myself and stop worrying about others. 

"Surround yourself with positivity, for it will bring you nothing but good fortune.  To be surrounded by negativity will bring you endless doubt.  To have both in ones life is merely a shame."

this is a new entry.

that is all